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EnglandXReader by espeon10

EnglandxReader by Thisissumbullman

xReader by MischievousRibbon

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Submitted on
August 10, 2012
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Drunk! England X Mad Reader

~ Speechless~

*… I can't believe how you slurred at me, with your half wired broken jaw…* - Lady Ga Ga

It was just the beginning on your first vacation at Christmas. Like always, snow was dropping slowly from outside the fogged up windows, Christmas trees with bright lights lit up the rooms of houses, Christmas decorations hung from outside to attract attention from citizens and of course, Finland would be flying around on his slay giving out presents. Last Christmas you got (insert item, food…etc.) and to be honest that wasn't what was on your list.  

You had been in love with Arthur for what seemed like an eternity, you had always loved him right from the start. His golden locks, beautiful emerald eyes, and his black caterpillar eyebrows you always thought they were going to fall off if he ate salad. His perfect body you could just imagine underneath his clothes, and his charming manors you just adored. Many men had tried to ask you out on romantic dinners, picnics, and a Caribbean cruise. But no matter how amazed you were by the men asking you out on such beautiful dates, you had to decline. Why? Because of Arthur.

Last week Alfred announced he was going to host a Christmas party, since he 'thought' no one was doing anything at Christmas, even though they were. But, they all decided to go and even Arthur pitched in so you had to go. You couldn't stand not knowing where Arthur was or what he was going to do, you cared and love him so much that each time he'd leave the world conference meetings you would always grow sad and alone. He was your favourite country out of them all. Even though he was extremely bad at his cooking, you decided to help him one day.

He was trying to make a cake for his aunt's birthday last month, and what he cooked didn't look like a cake at all. It looked like burnt pudding which looked all wet and messy. Thank god you helped him. It was extremely awkward between you too that day, as you hardly said a word to each other. He only replied when you told him orders "Alright, love." "Yes." "Okay, right." "Good." Nothing else, no conversation just tiny quick words rushed from the mouth. You had to keep an eye on him to make sure he was doing it correctly, and when he didn't, you mostly has to grab his hand and give him a demonstration with him on how to do it right. Even though you were blushing like crazy but managed to be cool, Arthur didn't notice a thing. Probably because you were so rosy cheeked he would hardly notice it. But after the cake was done, and you and Arthur had finished off the icing on the cake. He gave a thank you to you and placed a light kiss above your forehead. You were so daydreamed and felt like you were going to collapse right there, but with Arthur nudging you and waking you up, you left feeling as light as feather.

You fluttered inside as you took another sip of your (insert hot drink…). How you missed him, you loved seeing his face every day. Even if he glanced looking at you and gave a small smile, you would always feel love sick inside as your belly would flop up and down.

You wished you could see him again, but right now he was on holiday somewhere in Britain and others got disgusted with him. You watched the as the snow drifted gently onto to the cold snowflake road, but you couldn't help but wonder.

Why didn't he notice you more often?

Why would he say your name?

That was true.

He never had he said your name.

He always called you a 'love' but a 'love' for you could be 'love' for any other girl. He never came near you that much either, you were really close when you were toddlers. And even when you were toddlers, he still didn't say your name. This really hurt you, you just didn't understand. He always named the others countries like China, Japan, and Russia and at one time, even Canada before he lost him. He continuously hated Alfred because he hated his crazy and pointless ideas. He would always get into fights with him, no matter what America did.

America was you best buddy and pal, along with Arthur. You would mostly spend your free time with America because he always cheered you up when Arthur would leave. You'd always go and get ice cream, burgers and once even crumpets. (America wanted a taste of British. Now he loves crumpets…)

You sighed miserably again, tomorrow was Christmas…and you were desperately missing Arthur.

There then came a large pounding on the door.

'Probably Alfred.' You thought as you set your (insert hot drink) down the on the coffee table and opened the banging door.

'Yep. It's Alfred.' You thought again as two arms clung around your waist tightly and began swaying you side to side like a baby, as for you…you couldn't breathe.

"Alfred-" you began to heavily cough as the air in your lungs was practically going to explode like a balloon. "Alfred…please…put me…down." As if ordering a dog, Alfred but you down but still had his hands tapped onto your shoulders. His shiny teeth almost blinding your eyes.

"I'm so glad to see you, ______ dude!"

"I'm glad to see you too, Alfred."

You lead Alfred into your home, as he jumped on the sofa and put his feet up like it was his own house.

"Would you like a drink Alfred?"

"No thanks. I'm okay, dude."

"Okay, if you say so."

You went back into your tiled black and white floored kitchen and hung up your apron you had been cooking with.

"What do I smell? Is smells real nice, bro!"

"It's my gingerbread I'm making for the party!"

You quickly went to go check the timer on your old oven. Yes, you were making gingerbread. Not just gingerbread, Hetalian men gingerbread. One for each person you knew. You peered inside the oven checking if they were at the right texture and colour.

'Only a few minutes.' You thought as you went back to the living room. Seeing a patient America. This scared you. America was never patient or quiet or calm, he was always loud, hyper and crazy as kid. But when you looked at him, he smiled a tiny smile.

'What's up with Alfred? Has he been staring at my boobs again? Damn that stupid frog face! That dirty perv! He now is teaching Alfred a few of his tricks! Well, I'll show him!"

"Alfred are you-"

"A-are you o-okay…_____"

His voice was higher and shakier than usual, this was just stupid.

"Yes…I am…but I'm more worried about you…why are you-"

"D-don't be afraid…I wasn't staring at your b-boobs."

'AHH! Mind reader! Hit him! Hit him! '

"Umm…Alfred…Uhh…can you try and listen-"

"If you w-want me to look at t-them I will…"

"That's it!"

You pulled out China's famous wok from out of nowhere and began banging Alfred's head. Inbetween banging, you started screaming.

"Stupid! Dog! Frog! Boob Man! Pervert!"

"Hey, _____ dude! What are you doing to my bro?!"

You lifted you head up in a flash, seeing a confused America standing in your corridor which lead to the stairs.

"Huh? What? If you're my bud America…"

You pointed at America shakily.

"Then who the hell are you?"

You pointed at the man, exactly similar to America as he lay half unconscious on the rugged floor. You scanned the room like Sherlock Holmes, checking for any mysterious clues for a crime. You noticed your (insert hot drink.) was all gone, and it was now just an empty mug.

"And who drank MY (Insert hot drink, putting in capitals gives funny effect.)!?"

"I-I'm C-C-Canad-da."

You peered the man below you as he lifted his head up and smiled an innocent smile before getting K.O'd.

"Sorry about that ____. That's my little bro. He probably sneaked in behind me. And…Uhh….don't get mad okay! B-But…I…drank your (hot drink)…"

"You…You…drank my (hot drink.)?!"

You would get extremely angry if anyone touched your drink or even drunk it. It mad you furious. Yes, you were a mad woman crazy about her drink but the good thing was Arthur didn't notice. Your whole body went ebony hot red in anger as flames started to shoot from your mouth.

You charged up to America and furrowed your eyebrows at him, your noses touching. You mood soon changed as you said to Alfred.

"Naughty boy~ Make sure you don't do that again~ huh?" You gave him a dizzy cheesy smile before tapping his head in happiness and adoration.

"Aha~ Don't worry! I'll be a good boy! ~"

He replied back to you by reflecting your cheesy smile.
His attitude and mood change all of a sudden.

"Well then, dude! Are you ready!?"

"Ready? Ready for what?"

"Aww! Don't give me that face dude!"

He did one of his famous hysterical laughs which were just so weird and crazy, you had to laugh at as he put his hands on his hips and straightened his back for an over-the-top pose. He was the hero after all.

"What do you mean? 'Don't give me that face?' Trust me, I'm fine."

"Aha! I don't believe you! Just to think that giving me gingerbread is going to sniff me off your scent, you are way wrong!"

"Ugh, what scent? I'm giving you just one piece of gingerbread for a present! But there's nothing else to tell, Alfred! Just tell me what you are talking about!"

"I know that can't stop thinking about Arthur, dude!"

You froze. He knew? Since when did he know you think about Arthur right now? Even though you told Alfred that you loved Arthur with all your heart and you told him to keep it secret in the past, since then he hasn't told a soul…well from what you've heard. But with a knocked out Canada on the floor, you were defiantly sure he wasn't going to find out.

"How…H-how did you know?"

He laughed again, louder this time. With tears coming from his eyes from his sudden laughter and yet hadn't spoken one bit of sense to you, you were thinking you were going to bang his head next.

"Dude! Isn't it obvious!? It's Christmas, a time for love, care and affections and let's not forget about the awesome presents!"

"You sound like Prussia."

"Look dude, I say open up to Arthur and confess your feelings to him, yeah?"

'What?! Is he bloody nuts! I can't do that! He's my crush for goodness sake! Not to mention a good friend too! Okay, shut up. Say something quick because from the looks of Alfred's face, he looks like he has a hanger in his mouth!'





"How can I do it?"

'What am I saying? Confess my love to Arthur? Gezz, he has stepped over the line. And yet, I'm still agreeing with him? What am I? His imaginary hamburger with eyes? No, Nope. That would probably be Arthur. I'm guessing though through Alfred's mind he probably sees everything as a burger, maybe even a crumpet…'

"Aha! The hero always has a plan up of his sleeve! Don't you worry your tiny little head, _____!"

"But Alfred…"

"Ah-Ah-Ah! No 'buts' no 'if' nothing, okay? Commencing plan A. Christmas Love Crush!"

He stuck his index hand in the air, and then out of nowhere China, Russia and France appeared from out of nowhere.

"This had better be good, mon ami. I had to leave a really beau fille at my house all alone."

His pervert face appeared quite big as China, I and America hid behind Russia.

"Hon~Hon~Hon. We were going to have some amusement."

He chuckled a dark cheery laugh, if that was even possible. I clung onto China and Russia for dear life.

'Jesus…France's pervert scale must have gone high because of the cold winter we've been having…' You thought to yourself as France was still chuckling away.

"Da, do you know what is веселье?"

Russia began walking over to where Francis was standing. Damn, we had just lost our shield.

"Dude! Don't do it!"

"He will kill us all!"

"I have to go the bathroom!"


Everyone was screaming and shouting in annoyance and fright. What was once a quiet home was now a loud zoo.

"This, da."

He pushed his hand flatly but from what you heard, very hard. As you saw a knocked out France still twitching his hand like he was groping a breast.

'Yeesshhh. France, you pig.' You squeezed up your face in disgust as you ran to France and yelled.

"You taught Alfred's brother naughty words! Arrggghh! You cow!"

You grabbed China's famous wok, once again. And lifted it into the air, into a fighting pose.

"Aru! Where did you get my wok!?"

"Oh, they were selling them at the market, half-price!"

"Really? Why didn't you tell me, aru? I very disappointed."

"I'm sorry, China."

While you were apologizing to China, Canada had crawled into the bathroom, France was K.O'd, America kept poking him and Russia, well he just sat down on my couch and sighed happily.

'It's like I'm looking after kids, oh man! I'm a mom!"

"Well then _____, dude! Let's start loading the van with the food!"


You had made all the food overnight, preparing day after day to get it right, for who I might ask? For Arthur. Yes, he was coming back tonight to celebrate along with all the other Hetalians. You got your gingerbread out of the oven, while America succeeded of raiding your fridge of the party food. China and Russia were loading the van, while Canada was still in the bathroom and France still K.O'd. But as you gentle placed you ginger bread tray on the top of your old rusty oven, something was sniffing behind you.

'Bloody dog…'

"Can't you find something better to do, Francis?"

"Oui, that'll be enchanting and entertaining you, mademoiselle.

"Oh yeah? Care to prove yourself to me?"

Uh-Oh. What were you thinking…

France spins you around so you were pinned to the wooden counter, he held your hips. You were trapped in the pedophile's grasp.

"You damn pedo! Get you filthy hands off me!"
His scary pedo face came back again, you were just surprised girls fell for this creep.

"I think Mon cheré, you have mistaken the word pedophile, it is a man who rapes children…not women."

"Wha-What!? I don't care you still act like one! And who in worlds name said you were raping me?!"

"I did."

'I seriously hate this guy. God save me.'

~Time Skip~

Everyone you knew was at the party, the Axis powers, relatives of Russia, Japan and Italy almost everyone in the entire world conference was here.

'Americas's house is real big, almost like a mansion. I wonder where he got the money from…'

*Readers mind*

A man in a soldier outfit came running to America, panting for breath and dear life.

"Please Captain America! Go! Save yourself!"

Those were his last words before he collapsed and rolled over like a dog and died.

"Don't worry my dear friends! I will not let this enemy destroy us!"

. . . . .

. . . .

. . .

. .


"Right, flying hamburger?"

"Ha! Yeah! You bet!"

*Reader's mind end*

'There it was again, a flying hamburger? With eyes? Jesus…with Arthur gone for two weeks now, I feel like a crazy mad lady.'

You began walking into Alfred's rich dining area/kitchen. He was chatting with a few of his friends you had never seen before, but as he glanced at you he grinned widely.

"America he's coming!"

China shouted from one side of the room to the other. America did a salute to China, he responded back copying him.  

"Okay! Let plan A. Christmas Love Crush Commence! ______, stand over there!"


"Just do it!"

You responded in a huff as you stood in the centre of the room, surprisingly the room turned dark and everyone looked like they were going into hiding. The whole room was very quiet and you were extremely nervous and embarrassed about this.

'What was going on? Was it Arthur? Oh No! THIS is what Alfred had planned?'

The door opened with a loud creak as a familiar person locked their eyes with yours. Just seeing him made you cry. But something was wrong? He was all wobbly and was carrying a bottle of Stella Artois in his hand, empty. Oh god no, he was drunk.

"H-Hey-y Th-he-r-re! Pre-t-ty gi-r-rl!"

He gave a drunken and out-of-place waved to you. You just froze. You had never seen Arthur in a drunken mess before, but you could sure tell he was drunk judging that you could smell a really strong scent of some kind on him. The light was turned back on by Alfred as him and the other Hetalian's did a fake cheer.

And for some reason you were sure someone shouted something about…pasta?

"Hey! England my man! Are you drunk?"

"Chri-ist-tmas-s is so-o wei-ird. What-t other t-time o-of the y-year do yo-ou si-it in fro-ont of a dea-ad tre-ee and eat-t cand-dy out of y-your socks-s?"

"I dunno, my man. But we threw a party for you and everyone else to celebrate Christmas!"

"W-well, Thi-is Chri-istmas I've de-ecided to p-put the m-mistletoe i-in my ba-ack poc-cket, so al-ll the pe-oople I d-don't li-kke can kis-ss my ass-s."

He did a strange drunken laugh as he held onto Alfred's shoulders. Some of Alfred's posh friends and relatives had fainted.

"S-st-ar-ting with y-you, I ha-ate you. Wh-hy don't yo-ou kiss m-my ass fir-rst?"

He pointed directly to you, you shuddered the turned really furious. You charged up at him, as Alfred bolted out of the way. Arthur still holding a drunk smile was unaware on what was going on.

. . . . . . . .

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. . . .

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. . .

. . . .

. . . . .

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. . . . . . . .

"How could you say that!? You have no idea how I feel about you!"
Arthur was wide awake but still quite wobbly and trying to maintain his balance as he rubbed the red mark you left on his cheek. Everyone was speechless. Even you, you had no idea on what you were going to say next.

"Arthur…I…I…I've loved you for a very long time now, so long infact, back to the day we first met in that apple field. How you said you were bestest friend in the whole wide world! And now, I look and I see what? I see you and me not hanging around anymore, you constantly go on trips and run away from everything, even me. I-It hurts seeing you leave every day. I feel like I am living in your own little world and thinking too much about you! But that because I love you! I love you Arthur Kirkland, with all my heart."

Arthur's green emerald eyes gazed into your (colour) eyes, with confusing and warmth. He smiled a beautiful smile, one of those smiles you get of romantic rom-coms. You didn't notice he was leaning closer bit by bit, inch by inch. Until he swiped off your sad expression by pressing his smiling lips against yours.

'Arthur, my first kiss. It was actually pretty nice. Who am I kidding? It was amazing. It was like the crowd wasn't there. The world became a blur to my eyes as I melted into Arthur's lips kissing back. He was a little forceful as he slithered his tongue into my wet cavern before searching every spot of land there was in there. He battled against my tongue again for dominance and he won again. One of his strong arms wrapped around me, like he was never wanting me to leave. His other was caressing my (colour) (length) hair. Before we knew it we were French-kissing, and we didn't care if the others were watching. I was just glad I got Arthur back again. We pulled for a breather before he lay his forehead upon mine and gazed into my (colour) eyes.'

"I love you _____. I always felt afraid of confessing to you, I had no idea what I was going to say to you first but…I feel like I'm the fool who didn't confess to you first. I have always loved you _____, ever since we met. Always."

He said your name. He said your name. He said your name! For the first time! And he told you he loves you! (Calm down writer…) Sorry! Sorry!

"I know, but I doesn't matter now, you confessed to me and I confessed to you, we are equal now. I got a drunk man, and you got a mad lady."

"I know, love. Isn't it confusing?"

"Yeah, you bet."

'I never felt so happy, in my entire life. This is the first time I have ever felt so…





:iconcommentplz: :iconfavouriteplz:

God. This took me, til 10.00 this morning until now. I'm exhausted. :iconimdeadplz:

I rushed through the whole thing. :iconheadacheplz:

I'm real sorry. It's just that I have heaps of work to do. :iconitalysulkplz:

Drunk Arthur appears at the end. For those who are curious. :iconcuriosityplz:

Please Enjoy! ~

You (c)

Arthur (c) :iconenglandplz:

Alfred (c) :iconsexyamerica2plz:

Matthew (c) :iconsmexycanadaplz:

Yao (c) :iconsexychinaplz:

Ivan (c) :iconromanticrussiaplz:

Francis (c) :iconsexyfranceplz:

Link to Photo - [link]

:iconcommentplz: :iconfavouriteplz:
Add a Comment:
Elise-Andrews Featured By Owner Edited Dec 9, 2014  New member Hobbyist Writer
America wanted a taste of British.

I read,  America wanted a taste of Brit..ish
My dirty dirty USUK mind.
ILuvAnimeSK Featured By Owner Dec 8, 2014  Student Traditional Artist
2. I put mistletoe in my back pocket, so all the people I don't like can kiss my @$$. OMIGERSH, THAT WAS HILARIOUS! XDDD (I'm totally stealing that)
rainbow-grass-03 Featured By Owner Sep 13, 2014  Student General Artist
Beau is for males,
Belle is for females.
Une belle fille.
Un beau garçon.
Zadie39 Featured By Owner Aug 1, 2014  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
omg x3 _nose bleed-
SonJessica Featured By Owner Jan 29, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
I beat up Canada?! *runs to revive him with snow* IM SO SORRY MATTIE!!!
MarioFanfiction Featured By Owner Dec 10, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Who's the idiot who gave Arthur a drink?
SonJessica Featured By Owner Jan 29, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Probably Denmark or Prussia ;)
109144 Featured By Owner Aug 18, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Treekoi Featured By Owner Jun 17, 2013  Student General Artist
This is what I thought while reading this at one point. :iconmhmmplz:
MiraakTheDragonborn Featured By Owner Jun 14, 2013  Student General Artist
Hehe..I like the picture.It's like 'IM SO HAPPY' while Iggy's drunk...and I had typed frunk...WTF
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